Includes bibliographical references (pages 307-332) and index.

The mathematical cult leader Pythagoras, and his incredibly stupid death -- Confucius was an ugly nerd with low self-esteem -- Never, ever hire Leonardo da Vinci -- Galileo utterly fails to read the room -- The entirely unbelievable life of Tycho Brahe -- When René Descartes got baked -- Isaac Newton and the Philosopher's Stone -- Mozart uses his superstar status to tell us all to kiss his arse ... over and over again -- Benjamin Franklin uses world-changing technology to prank friends, self -- Émilie du Châtelet cares not for your social mores, and she will fight you in her underwear to prove it -- Johann Christian Reil invents psychiatry and things get really weird really quickly -- Napoleon Bonaparte's fluffiest foe -- Lord Byron, the patron saint of fuckboys -- Ada Lovelace's (husband's) family jewels -- Galois hunting -- John Couch Adams ignores his mail, loses Neptune -- You really wouldn't want to hang out with Karl Marx -- Charles Darwin: glutton; worm dad; murderer? -- James Glaisher, the Victorian weatherman who nearly became an astronaut -- Sigmund Freud used cocaine so much he thought numbers wanted to kill him -- Arthur Conan Doyle gets pranked so hard he claims fairies exist -- Thomas Edison's lesser-known invention: dial-a-ghost -- Real-life supervillain Nicola Tesla takes the term "pigeon fancying" a bit too literally -- Marie Curie defies all the odds to accidentally poison both herself and thousands of strangers -- Albert Einstein: public nuisance, love rat -- Kurt Gödel, the Disney princess who broke time -- Maya Angelou, in: Stop! or my mom will shoot -- Ernest Hemingway may have been the worst double agent ever -- Yukio Mishima and the shortest, gayest fascist coup in history -- NASA forgets about women, toilets and the metric system.