Foreword / by Melissa McCarthy -- Have good times: or the value of adult friendships for the sanity of parents and children alike -- It's about who you know: or Why having feathered friends will keep your kids from worrying about your creepy job -- Take it all in stride: or Nothing is too big of a deal -- The big sky theory: or Sometimes it's okay to lie to your kids -- Rip off the band-aid: or the argument for truth once in a while -- Parenting through hypochondria: or the time I thought I might be gay -- Not all vacations with your children are magical: or Never take travel advice from a bird-watcher -- Navigating breakfast conversations: or My dad never had to deal with this stuff -- Having children of the opposite gender: or My mom DID have to deal with this stuff -- Parenting the parents: or The art of waking up your dad when he falls asleep on the can -- Admit your faults: or Don't mutilate the chocolate bunnies -- All hail the road warrior: or Being grateful for what matters -- How to be an inspiration to young athletes: p.s. maybe skip the mimosas? -- Admit when you have said, done, or cooked something wrong: or the apology fish -- High school-- let it be a time of poor choices: or Forgive them, for they know not what they do -- My dad's noises: (oh holy shit, I'm making noises) -- It's okay to let them see you sweat: but sometimes I sweat a whole bunch -- Music makes the world go 'round: (this one is easy) -- Stop feeling guilty: your kids are never really bored -- Forget counting sheep when you can't sleep: one of the many reasons it helps to have a sibling -- Foster political ideas: or the time I was an asshole for Halloween -- Learn the rules of the game: or Never leg-whip a priest -- Always support your children: even when they lose their way and take their waiter job way too seriously -- Teach your children the value of money: spend it now -- Find a good lady to spend your life with: but be a good husband -- Appreciate every gesture: for example, the meal that my daughters made me for Father's Day, 2014 -- It's okay to cry: or The art of gathering wine -- Choose happy: and it is a choice.