Includes index.

Why I'm a Democrat -- How I became a comedian -- Saturday Night Live (not the drug part) -- Saturday Night Live (the drug part) -- Saturday Night Live (the part where I leave) -- Paul -- A 99 percent improvement -- Year of the bean feed -- The DeHumorizer(TM) -- I attempt to litigate comedy -- Hermann the German and the pill-out couch -- No joke -- Harry and Chuck -- Icarus soars -- Twixt cup and lip -- Public opprobrium -- My first powwow -- Tax-dodging, rape-joking pornographer for Senate -- Franni saves the campaign -- "Has it gotten that bad?!" -- "It's close, it's very close" -- The recount -- Welcome to the NFL -- I actually become a senator -- My first big win* -- What gets me out of bed in the morning -- The case of Perry Mason's lost case -- The angel and the devil -- Never give the staff credit -- Letting my id run amok -- I screw up -- Operation curdle -- Health care: now what? -- I meet George W. Bush -- The 64 percent rule -- My Republican friends -- Sophistry -- Bulletproof -- Cracks in my soul -- The Koch brothers hate your grandchildren -- No whining on the yacht -- I win awards -- We build a DeHumorizer(TM) -- I get reelected -- Lies and the lying liar who got himself elected President -- I attend a presidential inauguration -- Being as good as the people we serve.