What I do all day -- The wainscoting war -- Dumpster diving with the stars -- Southern lady code -- Hello! Welcome to the book club -- The fitter -- How to be a grown-ass lady -- How to be a patron of the arts -- Dead doormen -- Pageant protection -- Take it from cats -- My novel is brought to you by the good people at Tampax.

Meet the women of American Housewife: they wear lipstick, pearls, and sunscreen, even when it's cloudy. They casserole. They pinwheel. They pump the salad spinner like it's a CPR dummy. And then they kill a party crasher, carefully stepping around the body to pull cookies out of the oven. These twelve irresistible stories take us from a haunted prewar Manhattan apartment building to the set of a rigged reality television show, from the unique initiation ritual of a book club to the getaway car of a pageant princess on the lam, from the gallery opening of a tinfoil artist to the fitting room of a legendary lingerie shop. Vicious, fresh, and nutty as a poisoned Goo Goo Cluster, American Housewife is an uproarious, pointed commentary on womanhood. --Publisher